“We’re always teaching people how we want to be treated. If you don’t like the way someone is treating you, don’t blame them change how you treat yourself.” ~Andrea Amador, The Juicy Woman
We set the tone for our relationships. People will follow our lead in deciding how they will treat us; it is true we teach people how to treat us. If we put ourselves down and make self-deprecating comments, it tells people we don’t value ourselves and it tells them it is OK for them to do the same. If we put everyone else first and don’t take care of ourselves, the people in our lives will demand more and more because we have taught them we have no boundaries and can’t say no.
In her book, Lovin’ the Skin You’re In: The Juicy Woman’s Guide to Making Peace with Food and Friends with Your Body, Andrea Amador has a whole chapter about being your own best friend and she talks about learning to say no and setting boundaries in your life. She has a long list of ways to say no, some are quite amusing. The truth is we teach the world what are priorities are by the choices we make. If we value our time and take time for extreme self-care, people will learn that we love ourselves and will treat us will the level of respect we treat ourselves.
We have a choice. If we give our power away by allowing others to control our behavior, make choices for us or treat us less than we deserve, we are giving away our power. If we live our lives as victims in unforgiveness we teach others that we are powerless and they can feel free to victimize us. If we choose to stand in our power and make conscious choices to live life on our terms, to be in control and to not tolerate being controlled, that is what they will learn.
I saw this list on Facebook, it is a good place to start if you want to learn to change the way you treat yourself and to stop giving away your power.
Look at your life and your relationships. Watch the dynamics and observe how your behavior has contributed to how you are treated in these relationships. If you don’t like it, tell them the new rules and then be consistent in enforcing them. People will test your resolve. Stand your ground!
Maria Elena Escobar