“Loves greatest gift is its ability to make everything it touches sacred.” ~ Rumi
We are all responsible for the energy we bring into the world and especially our environment. When we realize that love is energy and we can choose to make that energy sacred in every encounter, we begin to change the way we interact with others. What if we choose to make communication a sacred act of love, seeking to understand and not to be right?
I recently read this fabulous account of a community that created a list of agreements that would enable them to make all communication sacred by taking responsibility in their role in each act of communication with others. I loved the list because it made me think, “How great would it be if we all practiced these simple guidelines in our communication with others?”
So much anger and disputes could be avoided if we followed these agreements. Relationships would thrive. Countries would be at peace. The energy of love could flow freely without the conflicts that come from poor or faulty communication.
- What if people took responsibility for their words?
- What if people listened without preparing their retort?
- What if the intention of every conversation was to understand each other?
- What if world leaders practiced these agreements?
What a wonderful world this would be!
The Seven Self-responsible Communication Agreements
• My intention for my communication with others—particularly when we hold different perspectives—is to achieve mutually greater clarity, understanding and intimacy.
• I take full self-responsibility for the feeling and perspectives I am experiencing. Specifically, I understand that I am giving the circumstances in my life all the meaning they have for me. I am responsible for how I hold my feelings and perspectives, not anyone else.
• I understand that someone sharing his or her perspectives is not telling me about myself/the community; the person is telling me about him/herself—which diminishes defensiveness on my part and, in turn, helps to foster my ability to fully hear that person’s point of view.
• I understand that the way someone else thinks and acts makes perfect sense to him or her, and I would very likely think and act the same way if I were that person.
• I am watchful of my thoughts and words if I feel the impulse to change or fix someone else or the community. I understand that I can not know what is best for others. Therefore, I focus on telling them about me, not about them. (e.g. “The thoughts and feeling I’m giving myself about________are…..”)
• I understand the value of humility when I am expressing my perspectives, realizing that I am not God (i.e. all knowing: seeing the full picture from alpha to omega). Remaining mindful of my limited understanding of the ultimate workings of life can help to keep me from “shoulding” on others and/or making a case/attempting to win a debate.
• I invite my higher self’s guidance and wisdom in order to non-judgmentally listen to another’s perspective, as well as to truthfully and non-judgmentally voice my perspective—that is, what’s alive in me. I speak and listen from my heart.
Published on Mar 7, 2013
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My Challenge: The next time you have a significant conversation try to practice these simple agreements and note how different the experience is.
Maria Elena Escobar